I took myself off for a walk this afternoon. I had to try and get my head around parting with things which had been so connected to Keith, from our dealing days. I had been trying to cope with it by telling myself that these were just "old stock" which he had overpriced, or weren't what people wanted, or . . . but somehow it all goes so much deeper. I could remember researching various pieces, occasions when "customers" would try to show off their "expertise" by running something down. They were usually completely ignorant about whatever they were trying to pretend to be an expert about, but it always rankled. This especially since Keith has died, as it's almost like a slur against him and his knowledge. I could remember the occasions when we bought something, when Keith had done a good deal with one of his mates, laughing about something, me saying to him "WHY did you buy that?" I will confess to having been in tears the last few days, because of having to face up to all this and process my emotions.
He would tell me I have done the right thing, but it has been hard. I need to start sorting out the contents of the stables and his workshop. I will put a listing up on Facebook Marketplace for his barrels of bits of old chairs, stretchers, legs, table legs, short bits of wood for repairs. No good to me, but if someone still does repairs . . . otherwise someone might want it as firewood. I can't deal with that just yet though.
It felt very cold this morning when I did my shopping in Llandod. Fortunately it was a bit warmer after lunch when I walked to the old telephone box and back (2 miles).
Processing grief is complex, as it spears you from so many different angles, and always catches you unawares. The one constant is that part of you is missing, your main reason for living ripped away and the wound that is left behind only has the flimsiest of skins over it. I am off to try and find something on tv to distract me.
You will find the right "wood botherer" who will love that pile of useful bits....
ReplyDeleteI think in the first instance I will contact the Master Carpenter who did work here when we first arrived and see if he knows of anyone - he might even want bits himself.
DeleteWe have had a lovely day out at Chatsworth today with daughter and granddaughter to celebrate Alec's birthday which is tomorrow. He will be 78. MIL went on the bus to the nursing home and he was practically born on the doorstep. Its always hard letting go of items that loved ones have treasured or worked hard for, but Keith would want you to feel free, but it must be very annoying when know it alls do down your items. Miss Sheva is very annoyed with me as I won't let her out at night, lots of fireworks going off, the end of Divali and beginning of November 5th celebrations! Take care. Xx
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday to Alec. Isn't Chatsworth lovely? I went there with my girls (when Tam was in Sheffield) and we had a picnic including Chatsworth champagne, in the grounds.
DeleteI am slowly coming to terms with parting with Keith's militaria. Just hope the things at the local auction didn't all go for a pittance, but what generally happens is people pile on the good stuff and a couple of things entered were possibly in that category. Others not run of the mill too.
My girls won't speak to me after I have been on holiday as they are being shut in. Lulu is very much a house cat but Pippi an avid hunter . . .
Grief is a very personal feeling, it can catch you unawares.
ReplyDeleteYou're right there Chris. I think it affects us all in different ways although the overall feeling of sorrow is common to us all.
DeleteI am so sorry for the grief you're experiencing, it must be so hard. In a practical sense Keith bought these items to sell on, so by doing so you continue his legacy and share him with others. But that won't fill the empty places in your heart. Sending a warm gentle hug. You are doing great, be proud of yourself, Keith and the kids are.
ReplyDeletelove
lizzy
Indeed - I think I wouldn't have taken it so badly if they had made good money. ,You're right, he did buy them to sell, and now they have been. I still have other things he bought which are staying put.
DeleteGrief comes in waves and hits at the least expected time. Remember Keith purchased the items and would love you to sell them. ((Hugs)).
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Yes, grief is a strange beast. It doesn't hit when I expect it to, then comes out of nowhere like a tornado. I am slightly more balanced today.
DeleteIt is difficult letting go of things that meant something to your love. Keith will always be with you in your heart and memories.
ReplyDeleteI think Keith wouldn't have been too tied to his stock really, just wanted the best price for stuff, but also it gave us both pleasure when someone was delighted with their purchase. Keith is always with me.
DeleteMy husband of 45 years died last July 2024. I have made some progress over the last 15 months but it isn’t linear is it - some progress one day then the next day tearful and anxious. I have donated or sold many of his diy tools and his clothing. I hope you enjoy your fabulous sounding holiday and send you my very best wishes.
ReplyDeleteOh Christine, you lost your husband at the same time Keith died. You are spot on saying grief isn't linear. I expected to cry and cry and cry like I did when my dad died, but this is a different story and I just cry a little or feel ripped apart much of the time. It's almost though it hasn't really hit me yet.
DeleteI will enjoy my holiday when I have arrived in NZ. Hurricanes, Comets, WW3 allowing that is . . .
I thought I knew grief - both my parents died before I reached 18 : but when my husband died I realised that I was not prepared for the death of “ my person”. And I am not sure you ever can be .
ReplyDeleteAt just over 2.5 years since he died I am very unhappy and find joy elusive . I am the lone woman in our previous group of friends, and so have avoided meeting up as it’s too painful an experience to do solo. I find that people’s tolerance of grief is limited - a friend I thought understood told me recently I should be “ over it” by now . We no longer talk
You are living through one of the most traumatic and devastating experiences a human can face - please be kind to yourself
Gabriella
Gabriella - you and my middle daughter share the same beautiful name. I am so sorry that your friend had no idea of what grief is like and how it affects you. My friends have been very understanding and keep saying it's early days yet. I took myself by the scruff and went back to the little Fair that Keith and I used to do, so knew everyone there, just 10 days after he had died. If I hadn't have done that, the longer I left it, the harder it would have been . I hope you will decide to go back to your previous group of friends now you are solo. I am sure they will be very understanding and supportive.
DeleteYour final words are absolutely spot on. (((HUGS)))
Take your time. Another day will do just as well if today isn't the day.
ReplyDeleteWell, at least it's not likely to be stolen!!! Which would solve my problem!
DeleteI know how you feel. I a, experiencing much the same, but think you are doing well. My husband of 65 years died a few months ago, We had been working side by side in our business for 55 years. So our stock represents much of our lives, as we travelled to shows and buying things. I dont drive ,so can no longer attend fairs , but I am slowly sorting our stock, each piece is a memory, as you know. so keep going. My thoughts are with you .
ReplyDeleteKathy
Oh Kathy, that is a lifetime together and more than half a lifetime trading at Fairs. I am sorry you don't drive, as that is my lifeline here. It is so hard - we have a lifetime of love and suddenly, no beloved husband to give it to. It will be difficult for you to part with your stock - so many memories attached to it and your husband's death so recent too. My thoughts are with you also . . .
DeleteGrief is the most difficult of emotions to deal with, isn’t it…. I’m so sorry you lost your anchor so relatively young….
ReplyDeleteI did, but Keith knew I would carry the banner a little longer for our hobby (it ceased to be a business when Covid came along).
DeleteAmen to the wonderful comments above x
ReplyDeleteAlison in Devon x
People are so kind and thoughtful.
DeleteGrief is just so complicated. I understand about the difficulty divesting yourself of 'his' things. Every thing that goes feels like losing an important link. You are doing right, but I am sure it hurts to do it.
ReplyDeleteI remember a neighbor long ago. She spent a fortune at the vet on an extremely old cat. This poor cat was in awful health. I personally thought it was unethical for the vet to continue to take her money...money that she truly did not have. One time she was talking about making arrangements to pay her vet in installments. Very gently, I tried to broach the subject that perhaps it was time to let the cat go. She wept. Her late husband had found the cat as a kitten and brought him home. Her husband had loved it. Her husband had petted it. She could not bear to lose that cat.
It was so sad, mostly because the simple truth of it is that she would lose the cat. It was inevitable.
Oh poor lady. I can imagine how she broke when the cat DID have to be pts. Almost like losing her husband all over again.
DeleteI have made myself do things today, that has helped distract and I felt good after doing the last of the painting (though I am still chilled, 3 hrs later!)