Possessions are so personal

 I took myself off for a walk this afternoon.  I had to try and get my head around parting with things which had been so connected to Keith, from our dealing days.  I had been trying to cope with it by telling myself that these were just "old stock" which he had overpriced, or weren't what people wanted, or . . . but somehow it all goes so much deeper.  I could remember researching various pieces, occasions when "customers" would try to show off their "expertise" by running something down.  They were usually completely ignorant about whatever they were trying to pretend to be an expert about, but it always rankled.  This especially since Keith has died, as it's almost like a slur against him and his knowledge.  I could remember the occasions when we bought something, when Keith had done a good deal with one of his mates, laughing about something, me saying to him "WHY did you buy that?"  I will confess to having been in tears the last few days, because of having to face up to all this and process my emotions.  

He would tell me I have done the right thing, but it has been hard.  I need to start sorting out the contents of the stables and his workshop.  I will put a listing up on Facebook Marketplace for his barrels of bits of old chairs, stretchers, legs, table legs, short bits of wood for repairs.  No good to me, but if someone still does repairs . . . otherwise someone might want it as firewood.  I can't deal with that just yet though.

It felt very cold this morning when I did my shopping in Llandod.  Fortunately it was a bit warmer after lunch when I walked to the old telephone box and back (2 miles).  

A little bit of sunshine, but not our side of the valley.

Processing grief is complex, as it spears you from so many different angles, and always catches you unawares.  The one constant is that part of you is missing, your main reason for living ripped away and the wound that is left behind only has the flimsiest of skins over it.  I am off to try and find something on tv to distract me.  

A dose of Anxiety

 Yesterday I took some more things to auction.  They are not going to make my fortune, but they are out of the way.  I got stuck behind a horse box on the way there, and the 40 minute journey looked like it would take much longer, for it was Old Radnor (half way there) before I was able to overtake it on a long straight stretch.  He of course, also put his foot down.  Typical.  I was getting pretty wound up going along between 30 and 40 mph and it's not a road with many passing places.

Lulu in a takeover bid for one of the new beds for the boys . . .

My body wasn't feeling like doing anything much yesterday.  Not yoga, not meditation (definitely not that) and walking was out because it was raining.  I forced myself to peel and chop apples, before they became past using as they were all pretty bruised and battered.  A tub full went in the freezer and I have half a pint in the fridge for making chocolate apple cake.  I made a chicken curry for tea, and bunged a cube of frozen spinach in it for a change.  

Today I am going grocery shopping and getting two keys cut for the cat-feeders.  P's daughter is due to give birth 2 days before I leave for NZ, which means I have to get someone else (Ed probably) on standby for when she zooms up to Surrey to see the new arrival.  Ed has no experience of cats, so I will have to give him a lesson, and write everything down . . .

I have finally reached the end of the Foyle's War series, and am looking about for another good series to watch.  Any suggestions?

I am dreading Heathrow and the flight, and trying not to think about it.  I'm also trying not to worry in advance about cat-care before I go.  I have decided the boys can be in the front hall, which seems to suit them as they like to go out at night, and the girls are to stay in the house.  My over-active brain is of course conjuring up all sorts of scenarios, from Pippi escaping to a house fire!  That's what happens when I don't sleep too well and yes - it is the middle of the night here again.  I woke at 3 a.m. and it's now 5 a.m.

I will try and get some stuff to a charity shop today.  I have a pile of books and some clothing.  I need to get out in Keith's shed too, and have a sort out in there.  A Tip Trip would not go amiss either . . .  I will ask Ed if he wants some firewood and then I can move on several barrels of Keith's useful bits of wood - chair legs, stretchers etc, which are never going to be used now.  That would free up some space.

I had a lovely video call with Tam and Rosie yesterday.  Rosie kept asking for "Glan-ma" and was earnestly telling me something in "her language", bless her.  It was important because she repeated it.  We will have another call today.  I am let off babysitting as they are all coming down with a cold (do NOT want that) and the roads have been bad from heavy rain.  A relief, as I didn't want to be driving home all the way after dark, on that mountain road, being blinded by cars coming the other way (so many S bends too).

Mind you, that's nothing - Jamaica is going to be practically wiped off the map with this Hurricane Melissa approaching and possibly winding up to be a Category 5 hurricane.  Up to 40 inches of rain will fall, as it's a very slow-moving hurricane and winds of up to 145 mph . . .

What's your arithmetic like?

 Not a lot happened yesterday.  I visited my friend P, and came back with a load of battered windfalls which need processing straight away.  She doesn't do anything with them at all, which is a waste of good food.  Still, she's really good at DIY and was removing the tiles from her en-suite bathroom when I arrived.

I did a little more of my embroidery, but can't work on it too long or my shoulder begins to hurt from my looking down so much.  I'd forgotten to do my head to the side and press down exercises to stretch the neck muscles, so need to get back to those.

Tea was a container marked "Chicken Risotto" but there wasn't much chicken in it and freezing it seems to have made it tasteless.  I forced it down.  2nd half will be going on the compost heap later . . .  At least I have room in the freezer for some stewed apples now.

I tried this the other night.  It smelled a bit - strange - herb-wise when I heated it, and it tasted like it smelt.  That went on the compost heap too.  Delectable it WASN'T! |Inedible more like.

I had to go into a local mini-supermarket yesterday, as I fancied a chunk of crusty loaf with cheese at lunchtime.  I got a short baguette.  Turned out it was half price.  Full price was 82p.  The girl serving me had to call to one of the other assistants to ask what was 50% of 82p?  Blimey, I was hopeless at geometry and algebra - couldn't see the point! - but I know how to halve something, do percentages and can add up quite long lists, subtract, multiply etc and when I can't sleep I count from 300 backwards in 13s . . .  I have a feeling she won't last long there if such simple arithmetic is beyond her comprehension.

I sorted out some stuff to go to auction, so that's a positive.  Today I plan to go in Keith's workshop and have a bit of a clearout.  I may be gone some time . . .

A very positive day

 

I finished Mrs Cat Loves Knitting last night, and was pleased with the way she had turned out.

This morning I got going straight after breakfast.  We had a scheduled power cut for 3 hours, so I planned to go out for part of that time.  Here is the morning's tick list:

Change bed and put first load of washing on ready for power to return.  Tick.

Yoga.  Tick.

Use the Karcher Window Vac to get the condensation off the windows.  Tick.

Cold wash Seasalt dress, get worst of wetness off rolled up in towel and hang outside on to blow around a bit.  Tick.

Drive up the road to see K about the water supply.  Had a nice chat with his wife, and then K came back to the yard and said that my neighbour had helped sort it, digging down to the pipe - which had been pushed apart under the water pressure because of having a fox's brush of tree roots in it.  All sorted.  Tick.

Go to PO and pay in cheque.  Tick.

Get remaining stuff out of the car and tidy away.  Tick.

Empty clothes from suitcase and put in black bin liners.  Tick.

Look out next sewing project, and photocopy the patterns for the applique.  Tick.

Make a start on it (Christmas wallhanging), by cutting out backgrounds and tacking together.  Tick.

Phone auction for an appt. to drop some things off at weekend.  Tick.

Check attic for more "stuff" to go.  Tick.

Find another embroidery project to start - a lovely pre-printed alphabet one.  I have started doing the black grid dividing the letters/pictures.  Tick.

Whilst doing the latter I have been watching a lovely wildlife programme (series of 4): Hamza's Hidden Wildlife Isles.  I watched Spring and Summer.  Wonderful television.

Here is the alphabet.  It will be lovely to work on.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

old chi

I'm being very organized today. Check water problem - tick (now sorted by Ed with spade); Yoga - tick; walk - tick; pay L. Lin's cheque into bank - tick; change bed - tick; 2nd lot of washing on - tick; go round windows with Karcher window vac - tick; cold-wash Seasalt dress and hang out to dry - tick; Look out pattern for Christmas Jingles wallhanging and photo- copy pages for applique - tick (next project); get remaining stuff from car and put contents of suitcase in black bags - tick; phone Pembridge auction to get appt. to take some items in - tick. I will take a couple of bits of dad's including that Nazi dagger copy. May even go in attic to see if there is some old china to get rid of.