Monday 26 December 2016
Boxing Day morning and I was awake at 6 a.m. I haven't been sleeping well for the past couple of weeks, and I think the events of the past 5 weeks, from the time of Tricia's death have all combined to hit me with a BIG wallop. Preparing for last Monday's viewing took its toll and the hope we had so briefly, then snatched away didn't help matters.
The responsibility of trying to make Christmas perfect for everyone is a huge one, and I lost the plot when I had about a dozen things in the oven and veg steaming on top, and a rapidly-cooling turkey on the side, and I went and watched 15 minutes of Singing in the Rain and left my more-than-capable family to make gravy and take things out when ready. I just couldn't make my brain multi-task any longer . . . They'd all been a great help preparing the veg and stuffing etc, but brain fog just caught up with me. I am sure that is familiar to many a mum who doesn't have the option of walking away.
I will try and manage to do a slightly longer walk today than yesterday's, but right now my brain is still SO tired and I just want to read a book (I'm 1/3 way into Raven Black by Ann Cleeves and really enjoying it.)
I haven't had much appetite and suddenly realized at 3 p.m. yesterday I'd not had lunch - just a couple of the chocolates from middle daughter. Ah well, all to the good, as I started to lose weight again and a further pound had gone on Christmas Eve - then I had wine and crisps in the evening so it's back on again, but it won't be there long.
I hope that you all had a lovely Christmas. We will be back to work tomorrow as we have the post-Christmas Fleamarket on Carmarthen Showground. I think I will be in bed around 7 p.m. tonight! NO alcohol either, as that seems to have fried my remaining neural connections . . . I haven't overdone it at all, but drinking for 3 days in a row has frazzled my brain.
Update: NOT the alcohol or overdoing things or not processing everything that has been happening these past couple of weeks, but my husband's germs - he had been complaining of his brain not working in the run up to Christmas, being tired out all the time - now he has kindly passed it on to me. I took some Panadol earlier on and they helped a bit, but I can barely keep my eyes open . . . NOT looking forward to being on parade at 5 a.m. tomorrow morning, that's for sure.
Further update: think we'll join the queue at 7.30 insteaad of 6.30 and just be further away from the doors for unloading.
Also, my problems are zilch when I think of the miserable Christmas Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall must have had following her miscarriage. My thoughts are with them and I hope her next pregnancy is successful, whenever it happens.