Monday 19 October 2009


Many years ago - probably 14 or so - a neighbour I didn't particularly care for read my Tarot cards. I can remember a surreal feeling as I distanced myself from her, almost in a different time or place as with total accuracy (it transpired), card after card spelt out "Change." And so it came to pass - within weeks I suddenly found myself on an ACCESS course for higher education and within the year, taking a BA in Archaeology. All because I had opened the local "free mag" at the page which held an advert for the University of Wales, Lampeter and the words 'Stones, Bones and Bog-Bodies' leapt off the page at me. To understand the significance of that a look back over my shoulder is necessary, to the three years I spent living in Wiltshire, working with horses, and at some point reading P V Glob's 'The Bog People', which fascinated me and fuelled my burgeoning interest in archaeology. In a way, it prepared me for my future.

I feel in a similar state now. Not quite in the here and now, but as if I am on the top of a hill, looking at myself in a little boat taken randomly by the waves, one moment in a lagoon, and the next whisked around a headland and being dragged out to sea, not knowing quite where I will end up and feeling rather lost.

Things are changing. People I know. People I thought I knew. People who I thought were important in my life quietly moving into the shadows, and others taking their place. I don't know what is going to happen next. I know what I would LIKE to happen, but I cannot be certain of anything. There is no longer a predictable future with my children's school lives. They are making their own way in the world now. We plan to move, to downsize, but the where and the when of that are open-ended. My heart strings are pulled ever more strongly by the West Country, Devon to be precise. I would up-sticks and be off there tomorrow. My husband 'doesn't mind' the West Country, but he wants me to consider Yorkshire, or Northumberland, or - teasingly - Berwick-upon-Tweed!

So, as we gradually prepare for our future, in a new place, a different house, we are having to live each day as it comes, coping with the decisions of what furniture stays, what is sold, what books we can bear to part with, what bits and pieces go in the charity shop box, and doing whatever re-decorating is necessary. The house won't go on the market until spring - and may not sell easily as not everyone is looking for somewhere quite this big - but we still have to do some research on the best area for us, checking out house-prices as some towns are much more desirable than others and thus more expensive or properties are soon snapped up. Our priorities for house-hunting this time are so different to the ones which brought us here, when we wanted a smallholding, somewhere big enough to house both our mothers should they wish to join us (in the event, my husband's mum chose not to), to be near a reasonable school, to be rural but not in the back of beyond.

So, we float rather like lost souls in this liminal time between what was and what will be and think of a future which has blurred edges rather than a sharp focus. Once we know WHERE we are going and WHEN, my excitement will know no bounds. Meanwhile, it is nearly time to think of preparing our evening meal, but perhaps first, just one more tiptoe over the estate agents' thresholds . . .


  1. Change is in the air dear BB,I comfort myself with the fact even the earth we stand on changes,out there at the moment its settling for a still hushed time.
    Part of me deeply,strongly believes that its all mapped out,there is a path,there is a direction,a solution,whatever its described as, out there for us,what IS random is how we discover it.Some folk are very measured & precise,others stumble across their unfolding path at each twist & turn.Others wait for it to be revealed for them & others prefer to hack down the brambles & branches & carve a way through for themselves :o)
    Its all a journey
    GTM x x x

  2. Nothing stays the same forever! How I have learned that lesson! I really enjoyed catching up with you and your beautiful photos!



  3. Hullo BB,

    Berwick on Tweed?. We could almost be neighbours.
    Why not move another 3 or 4 miles North beyond that into Gods country!

  4. Al - well, if there was magic, then perhaps we would end up in Argyll, looking across at Skye, but it is a long way from anywhere, especially family, and we are Getting On Now, so must be sensible. . .

    LBP - LOVELY to see you back again. Will pop across and visit in the morning.

    GTM - you are being so brave right now - it is very much a time of change for you, but I know you are strong and will emerge even stronger from your time of change. ((((HUGS))))

  5. Thank you for this post BB, I have just returned this evening from a three day trip to Lampeter in search of something new. Its not easy working out the best path, I thing GTM is right it is mapped out for us all. Good luck.

  6. Times of change can be both exciting and a bit un-nerving. I've often found part of me resists change and part longs for it!

    I hope you find somewhere with landscapes as glorious as the ones you picture on your blog - it looks a wonderful area!

    (I'm going to look up 'liminal' in the dictionary now - blogging is good for my vocabulary!!)

  7. We had this sort of conversation this week. So many things are a factor in determining where to be--I resent that funds have to be such a big part of it. We can play the game of "where would you like to live?" and it comes down to where we can [almost] afford to be. Then there is family. And there's the sheer exhaustion of moving, building, settling in some place and starting over in our declining years. Rather discouraging and comes down to a "wait and see."
    When we get on this train of thought, unfortunately I recall T.S. Eliot's line about "going out" with a whimper instead of a bang--or words to that effect. Errrr!
    A brighter note on this grey, cold, rainy day is your book arriving in my mailbox---just my kind of reading. I've looked at several of the essays and anticipate savoring them at length. Thank You!

  8. Change is exhausting BB, its the thinking that goes into it and you should be careful of your health. Getting rid of things can bring release, the amount of stuff we collect through life, comes back to haunt us, but one thing you can do is send off for cardboard boxes for the eventual removal it will force you to see what stays and what goes.... I'm going through a similar process, our choices are Whitby - grandchildren and fish restaurants ;), Wiltshire - a bit crowded but plenty of stones and of course my bit of Wales - but the house prices are expensive round St.David...
    Your move should be a great adventure, once you've got everything sorted though ;)
    Thelma x