The Universe has decided it will test me to breaking point. Keith had a bad day yesterday because he was awake for 3 hours in the night. He struggled first thing - his legs weren't co-operating. Then after breakfast he managed to walk up and down the kitchen with his 3 wheeled stroller - determined to try to keep mobile. He's not been able to do this since Covid. Then he sat too long and had his teatime medication late (my fault as I was so busy and we tried to keep it away from the meal a little but it took him an hour to eat his meal and pudding).
If I'd had my way he would have gone up to bed early as I could see he was struggling so, but he wanted to watch the end of a series he'd been watching in the day about Pirates. To cut a long story short, we crept up the stairs SO slowly and then on the last three steps, with me leaning behind him to keep him from falling back, his legs gave way and he sat down. He might only be 9 stone but he is a dead weight and not one muscle the least bit co-operative. I managed to haul him a little way using the "ladder" (you pull against it to sit up, and it's fastened to the bed end) off his bed and tried to get him onto a chair but the legs were doing nothing thank you very much. I dragged him along the hall - it took all my strength - and got him to the side of the bed but we still couldn't get him onto the bed, even at its lowest height. The poor man has a carpet burn now but what else could I do?
I had two options - call an ambulance so the crew could help get him in bed, or call our neighbour (he of the parcels). Bless him, the neighbour came straight away and helped Keith into bed. We were SO grateful.
I don't know what today will bring but I will suggest he stays in bed until the District Nurse has been. Obviously I have phone calls to make this morning to try and get emergency carers in on a temporary basis.
This is my worst nightmare come to pass. Now of course, it's the middle of the night and I am up fretting. The cats know and I have had Ghengis sat on my mouse-hand, and then the computer - he couldn't get any closer!, whilst Pippi sat on my shoulder for ages. (This is after she was attention-seeking and climbing the white kitchen dresser from which she had to be removed, protesting her innocence).
I'll go and try and read a bit now, but needless to say, all this has totally taken the gloss off the fact that the greenhouse frame is up and will have the glass in this morning. I am just beyond caring.
Mini update - no emergency care available. Fancy that. Danette - brilliant idea about blanket. Also have a giant bean bag so could somehow get him onto that at a pinch to sleep on. Hopefully he will be better tonight though.
Just to really cheer me up a whole pack of the glass is broken and of course the suppliers are away for Christmas already by the sound of things - I could only email or leave a recorded message. So I still won't have a usable greenhouse.
You are on total burnout. This cannot go on for both your sakes. Unless I misunderstood I thought you had family moving in? You have gone beyond needing help now, you need it yesterday.
ReplyDeletebtw, in this wind, forget glazing the greenhouse!
Yup. Things ain't easy at the moment. If I can get temporary care until Danny & co move in mid-January, I can cope. Certainly needed help yesterday - thank God for good neighbours. Wind has dropped here but wild in the night, and Handyman out putting door and guttering on the greenhouse, before glazing.
ReplyDeleteOh dearest J x x x x I feel utterly helpless , if only I were near. Thank heavens for that neighbour. Keith needs a stair lift now for sure, and a bedroom commode chair would help if he’s not already got one. As the lady above has written, this can’t go on, if you hurt yourself lifting him who will look after him or you. You must prioritise YOU, I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but YOU have to be kept healthy and functioning both mentally and physically. Keith needs to keep to a strict routine, a small television set could be put upstairs to enable him to keep watching his programme but bedtime needs to be early enough so his ever increasing needs can be catered for whilst allowing YOU time to decompress after seeing to him. I’ve said that before. His routine must alter to keep yours protected because dear friend you will go quite doolally with all this if not. You cannot, cannot go like this, no breaks, struggling nursing needs and hardly leaving the house. On a purely practical level if ever he falls again and you are alone get a blanket under him and haul that, it makes weight much easier to move and will reduce chance of friction burns, it’s not ideal but in emergency would make it a little easier. It sounds as if time has come now for him to remain upstairs certainly until a stair lift can be fitted , if someone can help do move things around do he has a chair that he likes to sit in, a small table etc and a television , then there is still the needed routine of getting up and out of bed which is important. You poor darling , I am so sorry you are dealing with all this J , re Xmas Day just delegate the whole shebang to your kids , you can just focus on spending time with K even if sat on his bed watching something on the laptop whilst the other sort food would mean you resting xx in fact why not say it’s picnic lunch and all have it with K in his room, different but it could be relaxed and fun as different xxxxx
ReplyDeletePs that was me Danette ! I can never seem to sign into Google! Xxx
ReplyDeleteI could not agree more. with your suggestions.
Deletebtw, have you checked your cookie settings, worked for me when Google wouldn't let me sign in.
Thanks Danette. Know you'd be here like a shot if you were more local. Thanks for your suggestions. Still hectic-ly twizzling those plates on sticks . . .
DeleteI hope you can get regular help soon. You certainly deserve it. All my best wishes to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tom. Can't wait for the family to be here and lift some of the pressure. Enjoy the festive season.
DeleteOh gosh, that could have been such a nasty accident for both of you. So many of Danette's ideas are really good, a television upstairs so that he can go up to bed not long after teatime would be a great idea. If there's no tv point up there perhaps a DVD player and a selection of DVDs that he would enjoy watching each evening. Getting him upstairs before he loses all his energy and strength would be a touch easier for you and having a couple of hours downstairs for you afterwards would give you time to relax for a while. I have no real answers, but please know that I do think often of your struggles to get the help that you need, we have been through something very similar with my Mum.
ReplyDeleteWe've got one in the bedroom, but it won't play ball with updating programming. I managed to get the Firestick stuck in it this morning but that has made no difference and I'm not technically good with tv's. Need my dad here - he worked on them, back in the day.
DeleteI am going to get Keith up earlier tonight and he can listen to the radio or watch something on Netflix on his Kindle.
Thanks - and to everyone - for your support. It does help.
I'm so very sorry to read about your struggles, some great suggestions above.......wondering if the community nursing team could supply you with a ' sliding sheet ' , it's the blanket idea but made of nylon fabric so that it moves easily on any surface x
ReplyDeleteAlison in Wales x
Thanks Alison. I've written that down and will mention it to the District Nurse when she phones again shortly. Another day of waiting for phone calls, which is frustrating, though the greenhouse suppliers came back straight away after I'd left a recorded message. Still got a holey greenhouse though!!
DeleteYou desperately need help, for your sake as much as Keith's.
ReplyDeleteAll good suggestions above. Hope the District Nurse can put wheels under some things that you need Big ((( hugs)))
Yup indeedy. I guess so do a lot of other folk. We just have to grit our teefs and hang on until Danny & Emma here next month. It will be good to have the family here two weekends running in the meantime.
DeleteLet us hope help comes eventually, in the meantime Danette's suggestion seem wise and helpful. Wishing you all a good Christmas, though it may be difficult. X
ReplyDeleteThanks Thelma. Life is indeed a real challenge at the moment and the cavalry seem to have lost their horses! Enjoy your Christmas too.
DeleteI do feel for you and wish I could help in some practical way, but you do need to get Keith upstairs earlier or could you make a bedroom downstairs for him. You must be exhausted, I know when I Dad sat to give Stepmum a break, it was hard work physically and mentally and you never sleep well as you are listening for them. Sorry to hear about your greenhouse glass, but it might have smashed with these high winds, we are keeping our fingers crossed about ours, although we do have spare glass. Hugs Gill Xx
ReplyDeleteMost of the glass is in the greenhouse, but the door open and 3 panes in the roof and more in the end "wall". I am in low spirits over it as I was looking forward to pottering about in there, but I will have to keep waiting.
DeletePhysically I can cope but I really DO need some me time and I've not really had any for months, apart from the occasional walk. I feel very down. The kids do their best but they have their own lives to lead and none of them are on the doorstep. It will be a huge relief to have them here over Christmas and New Year.
Hello, just a thought, but perhaps calling an ambulance to get help next time, might be a good idea.
ReplyDeleteThe ambulance service would then be able to highlight to the powers that be, that you do desperately need those temp carers.
Sometimes, you do need to push certain buttons (that you didn't want to push), just to get the help you so desperately need.
Also there's been a lot of good ideas on here suggested too.
Take care, CraftyNan Shropshire
I shall certainly bear that in mind CraftyNan. I just didn't want to be seen as a time-waster when there are so many really sick people needing to be taken to hospital. I really HATE having to ask for help, but there truly are limits. Must work out a way of getting Keith onto the wheelchair should this happen again.
DeleteI thought you got a hospital bed and were rearranging things to make a bedroom area for your DH downstairs? Giving up space--your dining room, or living room, may seem hard but the stairs event is the stuff of nightmares, you must protect yourself. Oh I suppose the bathroom is only upstairs? Time for a commode in the downstairs sleeping area and save that greenhouse money to install a toilet and shower downstairs in the new year asap. Have you ever sat down and made long term plans? I must seem harsh, I am sorry---so wish I was nearby and could help.
ReplyDeleteNo, the Hospital bed (and the bathroom) is upstairs. The en-suite is also upstairs and no room to get the wheelchair into it as it's just a narrow strip at the end of a bedroom. We have two commodes here now, one on wheels which was provided so we had a replacement for the upstairs wheelchair, as that has brakes which have to be held in place - no fixed on position. I'm not strong enough to get it upstairs (it's heavy) so have to wait until the kids are here to help me.
DeleteNo point in abandoning the greenhouse now it's very nearly finished. That truly would be a waste of money. Due to plumbing irregularities here (land levels for soakaway and an uphill approach to the septic tank - we have private drainage and water supply) we can't have a downstairs bathroom. We asked our plumber when he was here to fit the new bathroom upstairs - we replaced the suite and tiles - and he said a bathroom downstairs wouldn't work. He knows the plumbing intimately of course!
I'm so sorry it's so difficult there. I hope help is coming very soon now. Thank goodness for your kind neighbor. Could Keith stay upstairs for a day or two? You'd have to run down/up for his meals, but maybe it'd be enough of a break for a little while and he could rest there. Of course, I don't know anything about this, so my suggestion may be useless. I hope help is on its way without further delay.
ReplyDeleteIn order for him to use the yellow room as a bedsit I would need to move (or get moved) his armchair from downstairs up to the bedroom. We're only going to do this when it's a permanent arrangement. He has to move around a bit or he would be permanently incapacitated. Thanks for your suggestion anyway.
DeleteDon't know about your area but our ambulance service has designated lifting teams who come out to help in exactly your circumstances. It is not terrible to leave Keith on the floor while you wait for the ambulance, pillow and blanket to make him more comfortable. I hope the district nurse has been able to come up with some solutions. Thinking of you, Sue
ReplyDeleteI think as we're so rural and the ambulances have to cover quite a wide-spread catchment area there wouldn't be dedicated lifting team. We are getting a Sliding Sheet, which I think it was Alison suggested, so can avoid the carpet burns in future. I won't attempt to move him again like that. Learned my lesson.
DeleteI am so sorry that it is so hard for you and I hope you get the help you need soon. I can not believe that there is no one available, just does not make sense to me.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Thanks Jackie. It's hard at the moment, but I know it will be much much worse in the future, as his illness progresses. There is a severe shortage of caring staff, and a big demand.
DeleteOh my gosh! If I were your neighbor I would be livid to know you had this struggle and did not call me. What an awful situation for both of you! I am trying to think of something helpful to say and can't. You need that hospital bed downstairs. My best wishes to you.
ReplyDeleteWell, you can guess which person I DIDN'T call. Never again will I ask for her help. Hospital bed has to be upstairs, because that's where the bathroom is.
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